Welcome to Life, Unfiltered with Maria

Hi, I’m Maria.

But before I tell you who I am, let me say something.

Before we start:

If you’re looking for a cute, bubbly, perfectly positive blog, this probably isn’t it.

If curse words offend you, you should probably close this tab too.

Some days I’ll have something meaningful to say.

Some days I may just come here to complain.

Either way, it’ll be real.

To those of you who already know me - hi.

You’re about to know me a little differently. Maybe a lot differently.

You know the loud me. The sarcastic me. The emotional me. The mom me. The HR me. The “I got it, don’t worry about it” me.

But here, you’re probably going to meet parts of me I haven’t always let people see.

And to my family especially: my vulnerability is about to show.

There may be things you read here that make you realize I was carrying more than you knew.

Not because I didn’t love or trust you enough to tell you, but because many times in my life, I chose not to be a burden. I carried shit quietly, smiled, handled what needed to be handled, and kept moving.

And if I’m being completely transparent too: I was scared to ask for help.

Because asking meant admitting I couldn’t handle everything on my own. And even harder than that was knowing the answer could be a no.

Sometimes carrying it myself felt easier than putting myself in a position where I had to ask someone to show up for me and risk finding out they wouldn’t.

So I learned to figure shit out. I carried things quietly. I smiled. I handled what needed to be handled. And I kept moving.

That doesn’t mean I never needed anyone. Sometimes I just didn’t know how to need people without being afraid of what would happen if they weren’t there.

Maybe I’m still learning that part.

And to those of you who don’t know me yet- well, come on in. Grab a seat. You’ll figure me out soon enough.

And actually, that goes for everybody.

Grab a seat. Grab your drink of choice - coffee, tequila, water, beer, wine, pop, whatever gets you through the day - and let’s get this shit going. 🥃

Welcome to Life, Unfiltered with Maria.

Now, I guess if I’m officially starting a blog, I should probably start by introducing myself.

So, who am I?

I’m 40. I’m married, a mom to a beautifully chaotic blended family, an HR professional, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a chauffeur, a scheduler, a planner, a problem solver, the (cheer, football, basketball, dance, musician) mom, and depending on the day, approximately 37 other things.

Motherhood has taken me through more seasons than I ever imagined it would.

I have adult children, teenagers, a little one still growing up before my eyes, and a son who is no longer here physically but will forever be a part of who I am and who I became as a mother.

There are stories behind every one of those relationships.

Some are beautiful.

Some are complicated.

Some are hilarious.

Some are incredibly painful.

And with time, I’m sure pieces of those stories will find their way here too.

Because raising and loving kids through completely different stages of life means motherhood can look completely different from one day to the next.

Some days I’m giving advice or lectures to my adult children about life and relationships. Other days I’m worrying about school, practices, activities, homework, appointments, or whether everyone remembered everything they needed before we left the house.

Spoiler: someone didn’t. 😂

Sometimes that someone is me.

My life is busy. It’s loud. It’s complicated. It’s beautiful. It’s exhausting.

And it’s mine.

For a long time, so much of my identity has been wrapped up in taking care of other people.

Being a Mom.

Being a wife.

Being the person who remembers.

Being the person who figures it out.

Being the person everyone calls when something goes wrong.

Being the one who keeps going because…well, somebody has to.

And the strange thing about being surrounded by so many people who need you is that it can still feel incredibly lonely.

You can have a house full of people, a phone full of contacts, kids calling your name, coworkers needing answers, employees needing help, family depending on you and still feel like no one is really asking:

But how are you?

Not the automatic “I’m fine.”

Not “What needs to be done next?”

But how are you, really?

There’s a kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from physically being alone.

It comes from feeling like you are everything to everybody while quietly wondering who you get to lean on when you’re tired of carrying everything.

And I think a lot of women know exactly what that feels like.

We love our people. Fiercely.

We wouldn’t trade them.

But sometimes being needed by everyone can make you realize how long it’s been since you stopped and asked what you need.

And somewhere in the middle of all those people, responsibilities, roles, and expectations, I started wondering:

Where do I fit into all of this?

That’s how we got here.

I’ve thought about starting something like this for a while.

Then, naturally, I talked myself out of it.

Who am I to start a blog?

What am I even going to write about?

Who is actually going to read this?

And my personal favorite:

Shouldn’t I have my own shit figured out before I start writing about life?

Eventually, I realized that last question was exactly why I should do it.

Because I don’t have my shit figured out.

And honestly?

Who does?

Maybe that’s the whole damn point.

Why “Unfiltered”?

Social media gives us a really interesting version of people’s lives.

We see the family pictures.

The accomplishments.

The vacations.

The birthdays.

The kids winning.

The cute outfits.

The smiling couples.

And those moments are real. For some, they’re posed.

But they’re not the whole story.

There’s always life happening outside the frame.

There are marriages where two people love each other and still go through hard seasons.

There are mothers who adore their children and are completely overwhelmed.

There are women surrounded by people who still feel lonely.

There are people who are grateful for everything they have and still wonder if they’ve lost pieces of themselves along the way.

There are successful people who still question themselves.

And there are strong people who sometimes get really damn tired of having to be the strong one.

One thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that two things can be true at the same time.

You can love your life and still want things to change.

You can love your family and still need something that belongs only to you.

You can love someone and still acknowledge that your relationship isn’t perfect.

You can be grateful and still be tired.

You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone.

You can be strong and still need somebody to take care of you sometimes.

You can be proud of who you’ve become and still be figuring out who you’re becoming next.

One truth doesn’t cancel out the other.

I’m not here to sell you the bright side.

Some days, fuck the bright side.

I know that makes people uncomfortable. We’re so used to cleaning pain up before we talk about it.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“At least…”

“It could be worse.”

“You’re so strong.”

Sometimes I don’t want to hear any of that shit.

Sometimes something was just unfair.

Sometimes somebody hurt you.

Sometimes you gave everything you had and still lost.

Sometimes you did everything “right” and life still kicked you in the fucking teeth.

And maybe eventually there is a lesson in it. Maybe one day you’ll look back and see growth. Maybe you’ll even be grateful for where it led you.

But maybe today?

Today it just hurts.

And I think we should be allowed to say that without being rushed toward healing because our sadness makes somebody else uncomfortable.

I don’t want every hard chapter of my life turned into some beautiful character-building moment.

Sometimes shit changed me because I had no choice.

Some shit made me stronger because surviving it was the only other option.

And some things?

I would happily give the “growth” back if it meant I never had to go through them in the first place.

And that is the kind of stuff I want to talk about here.

And since we’re getting to know each other…

I should probably warn you about something else.

I’m also what some people might call the antisocial mom.

And my resting bitch face?

Yeah…that definitely doesn’t help my case.

I can apparently look completely unapproachable while I’m literally just sitting there, minding my own damn business.

But here’s the thing: I’m genuinely content being by myself.

I don’t need to be included in every conversation.

I don’t need to be invited into every circle.

I don’t need to know everybody’s business.

And I definitely don’t need to sit around talking about somebody just because we ran out of meaningful things to say.

If the only thing holding a conversation together is gossip, drama, or talking about people who aren’t in the room?

I’m good.

I would genuinely rather sit by myself.

That doesn’t mean I don’t like people. And it doesn’t mean I don’t want friendships or connection.

I just want conversations that actually serve a purpose.

Tell me what you’re passionate about.

Tell me what you’re struggling with.

Tell me about something you’re working toward.

Tell me something that changed the way you think.

Teach me something.

Challenge me.

Make me laugh until my stomach hurts.

Hell, tell me something completely random that you’re ridiculously excited about.

Just give me something real.

Because I would rather have one meaningful conversation than spend three hours gossiping about people whose lives have absolutely nothing to do with mine.

Maybe that makes me antisocial.

Maybe I’m just selective with my energy.

Maybe I’m just allergic to small minds with loud fucking mouths.

Either way, the resting bitch face probably isn’t going anywhere.

And the funny thing is, I can be completely comfortable being alone and still experience the kind of loneliness I talked about earlier.

Because being comfortable alone and feeling lonely while surrounded by people are two completely different things.

One is solitude.

One is feeling unseen.

And there is a hell of a difference between the two.

So, what are we talking about?

Honestly?

A little bit of everything.

Motherhood.

Marriage.

Family.

Work.

Relationships.

Friendships.

Raising children through completely different stages of life.

The things my kids teach me and the things they do that make me think, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.

Personal growth.

Hard seasons.

Good seasons.

Grief.

Health.

Love.

Identity.

Boundaries.

The things I’ve learned.

The things I thought I’d learned and apparently needed another lesson on.

The moments that change you.

The moments that break you a little.

The moments that will completely shatter you and you won’t know how you will survive.

And the moments that make you laugh so hard you temporarily forget about everything else.

There will be serious conversations here.

But there will also be laughter because if I’m going to tell the truth about my life, we’re going to have to laugh at some of this shit.

More than anything, though, I want this to be a place where we can talk about the things that sometimes feel harder to say out loud.

But let’s get one thing straight: “Unfiltered” doesn’t mean without boundaries.

This part matters to me.

Being honest doesn’t mean putting every private moment of my life-or my family’s life-on the internet.

Some stories aren’t mine to tell.

Some moments belong only to the people who lived them.

Some things are sacred.

And some things simply don’t need an audience.

That includes my children.

They are a huge part of my life and therefore a huge part of who I am, but they’re also their own people with their own stories. As they grow and live their lives, I want to respect that.

Unfiltered means that when I choose to tell a story, I’m going to be honest about it.

I don’t want to pretend motherhood is always magical.

I don’t want to pretend marriage is always easy.

I don’t want to pretend grief has some expiration date.

I don’t want to pretend growth is pretty.

I don’t want to pretend that being strong means never feeling tired, hurt, lonely, confused, angry, or overwhelmed.

And I definitely don’t want to show up here pretending I have all the answers.

Because clearly…

I don’t.

I’m still becoming Maria.

Yes, at 40 years old.

Maybe that’s really what this blog is about.

I’m 40 years into this life, and somewhere along the way I became really fucking good at being who everybody needed me to be.

Mom.

Wife.

HR professional.

Fixer.

Planner.

The dependable one.

The strong one.

The one who says, “I’ve got it.”

But somewhere underneath all of that is a woman I’m still getting to know.

Not a role.

Not somebody’s something.

Just Maria.

And maybe this is where I finally let her talk.

Even when what she has to say isn’t pretty.

Even when it’s angry.

Even when it makes somebody uncomfortable.

Even when there isn’t a fucking silver lining.

Especially then.

The woman underneath all of those titles.

Because every one of those roles matter to me.

Being a mother has shaped me in ways I could never fully explain.

Being a wife has taught me things about love, partnership, forgiveness, expectations, and myself.

My career has challenged me and given me something that belongs to me outside of my family.

Even grief has shaped me.

Losing a child changes you.

There is a version of me that existed before that loss and another one who learned how to keep living afterward.

More than twenty years later, he is still my son.

He mattered.

His absence matters.

And his story is part of mine.

But that story deserves its own space when I’m ready to tell it.

Because this first post isn’t about trying to explain every chapter of my life.

It’s about finally making room for the woman who has lived all of them.

So now I’m asking myself questions I probably should have asked a long time ago.

What do I want?

What makes me happy?

What do I still want to experience?

What have I outgrown?

What do I believe now that I didn’t believe ten years ago?

What do I need to let go off?

What parts of myself do I want back?

Who do I want to be in this next chapter?

And maybe most importantly:

What happens when I finally start making room for myself, too?

I don’t have all those answers yet.

Maybe I’ll find some of them here.

And maybe somebody reading this is asking some of the same questions.

Maybe you’ve spent so much time being everything to everyone else that you’re trying to figure out where you went, too.

Maybe you’ve experienced something that divided your life into a before and an after.

Maybe you love the life you’ve built but are realizing you still want to build something for yourself.

Maybe you’re perfectly happy sitting alone somewhere while everyone else is wondering why you aren’t socializing.

Or maybe you’re just tired of feeling like everybody else has this whole life thing figured out except you.

If so, you’re definitely not alone here.

So…welcome.

I can’t tell you exactly where this blog is going.

There isn’t some perfectly planned content strategy sitting beside me.

And honestly, that would probably defeat the whole purpose of calling this thing Unfiltered anyway.

I’m probably going to write about whatever life is teaching me at the moment.

Some posts will be funny.

Some will be uncomfortable.

Some will be vulnerable.

Some might simply be stories I never want to forget.

Some will probably come after a really great day.

And some will come after one of those days where I finally sit down at night and think:

What the hell was THAT?

Either way, they’ll be real.

Because I’m not here because I have my shit together.

I’m here because I’m living it.

The beautiful parts.

The lonely parts.

The chaotic parts.

The heartbreaking parts.

The hilarious parts.

The parts I’m proud of.

The parts I’m still working on.

And all the shit in between.

So if you’re figuring it out too, pull up a chair.

No need for small talk.

I have a feeling we’re going to have a lot to talk about.

Welcome to Life, Unfiltered with Maria.

No perfect answers. No highlight reel.

Just life as it actually happens.

Until next time,

Keep your shit together. Or don’t. 🤎

-Maria